I had survived, and my job was to help others to survive, but how could I deal with this? The lover of my past was slowly killing the lover of my present.I gritted my teeth, slowed my breathing, and risked a darting split-second peek into the shed. I was glad and sick at what I saw. Glad because Sarah had her back towards me, sick because Margaret was suspended, naked, red whip-marks striping her white skin, one across the slight curve of her four and a half months pregnant belly, within which dwelled our future.I closed my eyes and still saw the image. Sarah from behind was not at all as I remembered her. Now she was almost square, a huge block of woman, fat or muscle, it didn't matter, she had a monolithic bulk, and long grey-streaked brown hair rat-tailing down her back. She was wearing some kind of dungarees, prison issue, and in her hand was the bull-whip, the tool I feared most in Em's hands, that she had only used on me a handful of times, in the most extreme circumstances.. For most guys my age, Denny’s was an expensive meal if we did not just go to McDonald’s. I was actually seeing what some of my friends said about dating older guys. I had just returned from the bathroom when David asked if I wanted to stop in the bar before he took me home. I was already feeling the affects of the alcohol I had already drank that evening, but I told him sure as I did not want the evening to end yet.I got a Bloody Mary and he got a scotch on the rocks (“Glenfiddich, not that well crap!”) and this time when he sat in a booth I slid in next to him. I felt a slight tingle as my thigh pressed against his, and I know my nipples were hard for sure. And I am not sure if I was flattered or disappointed when he only glanced down once to look at them poking though my dress. Flattered, because instead he looked into my eyes and seemed to be most fascinated with them, or disappointed because either he dismissed them for their small size, or had no real interest in me in that.
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